I quit my job this past week.
This job, my first out of college, was good to me. I learned a lot about maturity, integrity, and confidence. It was an environment that was gracious to me when I failed (and fail I did—especially that first year) and it allowed me opportunities other publishing houses wouldn’t give a green recent grad.
But the time has come. The ol’ Lone Star state is calling my name, and you just don’t say no to Texas. Thus, I quit my first job and am moving to Dallas in four short weeks.
Though “moving on” is a normal and often healthy part of life, I still struggled with the idea of quitting. My job is unique in that I’m not just an Editor; I’m an Editor of Sunday School curriculum. I am in ministry, of sorts.
Let me tell you, I’ve wrestled with quitting this ministry/job for a while. I desperately want to do what God wants me to do, but sometimes that path is “clear as mud,” as these Tennesseans would say. Ultimately, I realize that the gospel being shared isn’t riding on the fact that I am an Editor of Sunday School curriculum, and the Lord placed a neat opportunity in my lap to move near family. I prayed about it, and though still unclear, God didn’t ever tell me no. If anything, things just worked out. I know He is sovereign and will be with me regardless of where I land. And so, I quit.
Because very few people knew I was quitting, I didn’t have a lot of friends to confide in before the official announcement to my bosses. I have the people-pleasing tendencies of a golden retriever, so naturally, I was a nervous wreck. So what did I do? Well, I closed my office door and apparently channeled my inner Kim Kardash. I think the official selfie equation goes something like this:
Ball of Nerves + No one to talk it out with =
Documenting the moment with selfies
In theory, I am against the selfie trend. But I just had to show someone my anxiety, and I’m sorry to say: that someone is you.
Oh, and I might have listened to “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys to boost my lacking confidence. You remember how I said I learned maturity through my time in the workforce the past few years…just scratch that.
Selfie #1. Sadly, the most respectable of the bunch. I think it says something along the lines of “I’m pretending to be excited, but I’m really just scared and have crazy eyes.”
Selfie #2. Probably the most accurate photo to what I was actually feeling in that moment, which was that I had to go to the bathroom and wanted to cry.
Selfie #3. And the “holy cow, I’m about to quit my job” mirror selfie. New low.
So here’s to ends. and beginnings. and in betweens. So grateful for the journey thus far.
Currently listening to “My Girls” by Animal Collective